Nothing is more important than the parent child relationship. It’s where children first learn about themselves and their world. It’s where they learn how to organize their feelings and eventually they learn emotional regulation. Therefore we want the parent-child relationship to be a place of safety and security for the parent and the child.
When thinking about this relationship, you can apply child centered play therapy principles to create this safe, accepting and empathetic environment for children. This allows them to express themselves freely through play. Here are some key principles that can help maintain and strengthen the parent child bond:
Unconditional Positive Regard:
- Show unconditional love and acceptance towards the child, regardless of their behavior or emotions. This creates a sense of safety and security in the relationship.
- For parents, this means accepting their child’s feelings and expressions during play without judgment or correction.
Empathic Understanding:
- Focus on truly understanding the child’s emotions and experiences through their play. Empathy helps a child feel seen and heard, fostering a deeper connection.
- Parents can practice reflecting their child’s emotions during play sessions, using phrases like, “You seem really frustrated with that,” or “It looks like you’re having a lot of fun building that.”
Establishing a Safe Play Space:
- Create a designated space where a child can explore freely and express their feelings through play. This space should be free of judgment, corrections, or demands.
- Parents can engage in playtime without imposing rules, allowing the child to lead the activities and make decisions, which builds their sense of autonomy.
Respecting the Child’s Lead:
- Let the child take the lead during play. This is a core aspect of CCPT, where the therapist, or in this case, the parent, follows the child’s direction without trying to control or direct the play.
- By doing this, parents validate their child’s experiences and show trust in their ability to navigate their own emotional world.
Reflective Listening:
- Practice active listening by reflecting what the child says and does during play. This helps the child feel understood and respected.
- For example, if a child says, “I’m making the tower crash,” a parent might respond with, “You’re making the tower crash really hard.” This reflection helps the child feel that their actions and feelings are important.
Creating Consistent Playtime:
- Setting aside regular, consistent time for play allows children to feel prioritized and valued by their parents.
- Even 30 minutes a week of dedicated, uninterrupted playtime can strengthen the parent-child relationship by building trust and connection.
Validation of Emotions:
- During play, children often express their emotions symbolically. Validating these emotions helps children feel that their inner experiences are understood.
- For instance, if a child is playing out a conflict with toy figures, a parent might say, “It looks like these two are having a really hard time getting along.” This helps the child process and understand their own feelings.
Nonverbal Connection:
- Sometimes, it’s not about what is said, but about being present with the child. Nonverbal connection through eye contact, gentle nods, or simply sitting close during play can communicate support and love.
Encouraging Autonomy:
- Allowing the child to solve problems and make decisions during play helps build their confidence and reinforces the idea that their thoughts and feelings are respected.
- Parents can encourage this by offering choices and respecting the child’s decisions, even if they differ from what the parent might suggest.
These principles help foster a safe and nurturing environment where the parent and child can bond deeply. Through child-centered play, parents can reinforce the child’s sense of worth and emotional security, creating a strong foundation for a trusting relationship.